I'm here to defend my most beloved sci-fi universe from that most despicable of critics. Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw. For those of you that don't know, Yahztee is a game reviewer, he reviews video games. However, he rarely reviews things such as sports games, driving games, and real time strategy. The latter of which I love with a burning fiery passion. Now, those of you who watch his video show Zero Punctuation are no doubt confused. Sure he's made a few subtle remarks concerning fans of 40k but never actually outright stated his hatred for it...right?
Wrong sir, very, very wrong! Understandably wrong, but not reasonably wrong. Yahtzee has a written article on the Escapist's website in addition to his videos. This is naturally called "Extra Punctuation." In one of the articles he states exactly why he hates Warhammer 40k, and when I read this I smacked my gob and went,
"OHMYGOODNESSALLTHESEERRORSAREEASILYCORRECTEDASLONGASYOUKNOWTHEBACKSTORY!!!" And promptly went about burning down his house. Just kidding, I have no way of getting to Australia.
Now, I'll put a link to the article at the end of this post, but for now its time for a point by point dismantling of Yahtzee's argument.
"Right from the word go: "In the grim darkness of the far future, there is only war," it declares. There can't "only" be war, don't be stupid. People would have to stop and go to the lavatory at some point. And I've said before that no authority would seriously pursue a supersoldier project when it's infinitely cheaper and more practical to just put normal people in vehicles or powered armor who could then get out of the vehicle or powered armor and go study to become an accountant or something.."
Alright, I have to concede, the "there is only war" line is a bit far-fetched. Even if you're well versed you know that its not war all the time. There's a good deal of time spent getting to the wars. However, the idea of no authority would spend the time making super-soldiers is one I've heard from him before and even agree with to a certain extent. I agree that weaker normal humans would be foolish to make supersoldiers. However, the creator of the Space Marines, the Emperor, was the biggest, baddest, and strongest motherfucker in the galaxy. The space marines were created using DNA from the Primarchs who were created from the DNA of the Emperor. Thus, for once Yahtzee's supersoldier argument is wrong, if only because the creator of the Space Marines is an even bigger and stronger supersoldier.
"You know what Warhammer 40K is? It's the product of a generation that has never known any kind of real conflict or struggle. No-one in the trenches of the Somme would pass their time imagining something even worse. No-one talks about the "glory of battle" when they're trying to sleep through a shelling raid with a bad case of trench foot. But that's the whole "Space Marine" thing, from what I can gather, a bunch of people who've based this mad space religion on how many twats they've chainsawed in half."
Okay, again I have to agree with Yahtzee on the first part. I really doubt that the people involved in coming up with this idea ever actually went through a real war. However, this argument is again full of a lot of holes from not knowing the backstory. The Imperial Guard? You know, the normal, puny little humans armored with cardboard and given flashlights for weapons? They don't go on about the glory of battle. The Commisars do, but they're supposed to make sure the Guardsmen stays on that line and keeps shooting until he's dead or the enemy's dead. The normal Guardsmen would never prattle on about the glory of battle...but Space Marines aren't normal humans. They've been enhanced both physically and psychologically to be the best they can be. Their very minds have been trained to view battle as glorious and honorable, and that's easy to do when your opponents have to bring out a tank just to take down one of you.
That's really it for Yahtzee's argument, and despite the threat to burn down his house, I don't blame him for not knowing any better. If I were to ever meet Yahtzee, assuming I don't spontneously combust with excitement, I wouldn't start prattling on about how he's wrong, and Warhammer 40k is great once you know the backstory. No, I'd probably gush a hell of a lot, try to get his autograph and then run screaming with mad glee.
The thing is, unlike other fans of pretty much anything, I don't turn into a raving psychotic because someone doesn't share my opinion about a series. Unlike other RTS fans I don't get bent out of shape when Yahtzee never reviews the bloody things, because I understand that he doesn't really like them and wouldn't know what to make of one if he ever did play it. Thus, I'm not going to try and shove Warhammer 40k down Yahtzee's throat for two reasons: First I'd probably fail miserably and second the very concept of it leaves a bad taste in his mouth. The very idea of Warhammer 40k just doesn't sit well with him, so its highly unlikely that he'd ever enjoy it no matter how much backstory I crammed into his mind.
So for all you raving lunatics who will defend, literally, with tooth and nail, your favorite things. Please, calm down and shut the fuck up. Not everyone has to share your opinion.
Oh, and here's the link to Yahtzee's article:
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/columns/extra-punctuation/9153-Hating-Warhammer-40k-and-Space-Marine
Hey, I posted here. Where did it go?
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